waiting is hell

this weekend was wonderful and hellish...


Katie's wrist has been hurting a lot more, especially at night. shooting pains up and down her arm all the way to the shoulder with any big muscle movement anywhere in her body. this is with vicoden and oxycontin. it is a lot worse than it has been. it makes me even madder, that we delayed the chemo a week because of the supposed appointment at Sloan, and if we had known it was going to be cancelled more than 2 days before, she could have started the chemo last week. the chemo is supposed to shrink this thing, quickly from what dr. damron seemed to imply. and now she has to go another night, not only worried about tomorrow, but in extreme pain. it is tolerable during the day, with lots of vicoden, but the oxy is not helping at night, not for very long. and we both know that more pain means its growing and pressing on nerves. at one point her whole arm went numb, felt like it wasn't there, though luckily switching positions got the feeling back. i hope that it begins the shrink with the first treatment, otherwise i don't think either of us can take another 3 weeks of this. and the doctors seem hesitant to prescribe anything stronger because it will knock her out...well, i think that is better than hurting so much she can't stay in one position for more than 30 seconds, sobbing because it hurts so bad, being unable to do anything other than sit on the couch and watch tv because of the pain...


but we were able to have a nice relaxing weekend. we were talking the other day and katie said that, although she is scared out of her mind, she has been happier the past few weeks than she has been in a long time, calmer...and i guess i have been too. i think its just knowing what we are going to do about this, knowing what this is and feeling confident in at least the medical oncologist.


we spent most of saturday shopping; farmer's market saturday morning, then tried to go to the library (closed), then hit the craft store and pet store. Katie got 3 new girl platys for her community tank, since the one girl in there is getting harrassed by the two boys. I needed red paint for the altar box i'm making her for the hospital, and ended up getting a bunch of other stuff, as tends to happen to me at craft stores. Then later we walked down to the shopping plaza down the road and bought fly strips, since our apartment is infested for whatever reason, and a window fan. then we rented Proof at blockbusters and watched it that night.


sunday and monday, we just vegged out, cleaned and cooked a little bit and lay around, playing with the bunny and cat. I spent a lot of the day sunday trying to get the computer to behave itself, and sort of succeeded. it was so beastly hot yesterday and the apartment gets almost no ventilation, being on the third floor, so not a huge amount got accomplished, though the livingroom/dining room/kitchen look moderatly clean. The bedroom, animal room and hallway are today's project. oh yes, and dishes. Katie's mother is driving up tomorrow and may stay overnight. and her father and possible sister(s) are coming up on thursday, maybe. so i'd like the place not to look quite as cluttered as usual, though that might be hard.


so today i clean, and work, and clean some more and maybe have dinner with katie's boss ( i have no clue how this happened, but she said she might invite him over) and prepare for this all to begin tomorrow, prepare to find out a little bit about what the next year will be like. i just hope that this first round will shrink the tumor at least back to the point it was a week ago. because i can't stand to see her hurting this much.